Feel good

Sometimes, you just got to pick yourself up.

I want to pick myself up, so here's a (vain) list of 22 things why I am special. Twenty two cause well. You know. I'm 22 years old.


So if like. You're not into me puji-ing myself  or reading a long (but really interesting) post you can skip it :p

#1 I can eat like nobody's business, and its hard for me to gain weight. :] But I need to gain weight. Because I am unfortunately underweight. So sometimes it's difficult you know, when I eat and it does show, it shows in my face. Not like...go to places where I want it to go. But then again, I am glad I can eat and eat and eat and eat! I <3 to eat.

#2 I am small. Sure I find it hard to cari baju that's my size, BUT! You know. People think I'm young cause of my size. And I can run around the playground and pretend I'm 12. And up till I think I was 18, when I went to makan with family, I still got charged as CHILD. See? I help save money.

#3 I live near Tg. Aru beach. Okay la not la I special cause of this but I got umm. Extra. Like... You know? Have you seen the sunsets there?! Homaigoodness. To die for. So pretty. It's been such a long time since I've seen one. Don't believe la tu how cantik it is. Nah, cuba you see!

Rindunya.

#4 I THINK I can dance.  Well, for fun, not professionally. Although how I dream of being able to.......

 

 #5 I may be stubborn. But that just means I'm strong willed. Yeeaah. Give me some credit. I'm not stubborn ALL the live long day. Heh.

#6 I am daughter to parents whom may be so ARGHHH sometimes but they always have their reasons. And I'm the one daughter that cooks for the family. And the one daughter who took over making kuih Raya. And also pumpkin cake yang sedap. Which makes me extra extra extra special.

On the way back from Kudat Syawal 2011

#7 I found out that my birthday according to the Hijri calendar is on the 6th of Syawal. THEREFORE. My birthday is on the 6th day of raya, which is impossible for anyone to forget :D And, I am already 23. If use that calendar la. *secretly in denial*

#8 When I was younger, I entered a singing competition for Christmas organized by my computer class. (Yes, I went to computer classes. It was so much fun) And Abang Shaun yang jahat gila scared me made me cry right before I had to go up the stage. And well, you guessed it. I sang Que Sera Sera while nangis teresak-esak. "Que seraaa *sobsob* seraaaaa. Whatever will beeee *sobsob* will beeee". I remember practising it with Papa. Haha now that I think of it whyyy lah did I join. I got third place, by the way if you're wondering. Okay la so what la if it is hadiah kesian. The important thing is I did it anyway. :P

#9 Also, when I was younger, like my tadika Tunasari days, I was the rapper! Shit. Hahahaha. Rap as in betul betul rap okay? We were doing some turtle awareness thingy and we were like "SAVE THE TURTLE! SAVE THE TURTLE!" and I had my friends dancing (all of us dressed like turtles. Grey-ish shiny jumpsuits with a turtle shell on our backs. For real!). Then, my first line was "We are the children of Tunasari!" Oh God punya la trip haha! I guess when you grow older all your guts just hilang.

#10 I think I was an accidental baby. Hoho. But but buuutt. Mummy say, bila she pregnant with me, she say I am for "bikin main-main, kasi kawan" dia bilang. Nah. Memang betul pun. I am her lamb, everywhere she went I was sure to go. I'm loved. :]

#11 I managed to ditch bit by bit the habit of procrastinating! That is quite a feat! I used to think I function well under pressure, but perhaps I function even better with more time. 

#12 I am special because I have a Diploma before I go into my Degree, which gives me an edge kind of. You know. Like. Ya. It really does help. A lot.

#13 I was part of the 2004 SFC choir team who were National champs! Woohoo! The story was, I was only called on to join to be a backup/pelapis for pianist. Then. They tidak cukup orang? Haha. I know la I was like not first choice or anything, but still! It was a moment so proud. I love SFC. Like. My school spirit is so tinggi. Then after that win we got so many invites to perform sini sana. And plus free food. Ooooh. Hehe.

This was in The Star! There I am tuu di the paling left di depan. Oh wow.

#14 I made two really good speeches (at least that was what I was told) so far in my whole lifetime. One was during my secondary school graduation "pride and joy" and the other was during Abang Shaun and Kak Nurul's wedding dinner in 2008.

#15 I have/had two cats that I really loved and love me back (cheh kununnn) One, Bimbo. My blue-eyed silly beauty who would also minta my jagung. And two, Jojo Hamau Gaga The Cat. Who was and still is an excellent friend and teman and the nakalest and the silliest but has the cutest nose and pink cushion paws. Naaaw. 

Jojo & Bimbo :')

#16 I have gigi satu. You have? Don't have kan. Naah. Special la jadi dia. Let me show you definition of gigi satu. 

See the red arrow pointing to my gigi. That is my gigi satu. It makes me smile in two different ways depending what side my face is facing. But! I've learned to accept.

#17 I am Nanay (auntie) to these two boys! One monkey jumping on the bed and one yet to be known.... Izzarif a.k.a IZZY!! and Ryan Irfan a.k.a Baby Ryan! Okay I don't have Ryan's picture in my laptop. But you all know Izzy :D 

Can you feel his ke-jajal-an?

#18 When I turned 18, I spent my birthday with the Bons at Hyatt courtesy of Mummy dearest. I felt special cause my best friends went to all the trouble and made me a baju so pretty! Cuba you see...

See! The pretty butterfly!

#19 I am able to take criticism and am patient. Alamak perasannya. Hahaha! Betul la. Although I may be like ^*@(#D)*@^! in my heart, but I will accept what you say with open arms. Yes, I do realise things and though it takes A LOT for me to finally take action, but in the end I do it. I take that step to change what needs to be changed.

#20 I have the greatest friends anyone could ask for. Serious. We may not go on holidays together, or live nearby or meet all the time or so rich we buy gifts for each other. But I sure know that they mean so much to me! 

See me embracing my gigi satu. Eh. Heh. Love you all!

#21 I feel special because you make me feel special. And so the best penceria, tukang make silly lame jokes, selalu dowan to laugh at my jokes, pembully, tukang fix barang, teman makan, teman play monopoly (or any games for that fact) sampai gaduh, teman jalan-jalan, teman buat kerja bodoh, and segalanya yang happy in my life. ALLY my love! <3

The paling best day and best place with the best person. Mau go lagi. Rindunya.

#22 I am special cause just cause I am! God created me as one of a kind. He made me patient, a crybaby, silly, clumsy, pretty, hot. He gave me a good brain and a good heart. He gave me good health, great family, great friends. And I'm limited edition! No me, no more la sudah! Satu seja Hana Nazsulaeeqa Harun di dunia. :)

If you made it this far! Yay! Thanks heee heee! 

Kita semua special in our own silly little weird way. We just need to take a sec, pause and take it all in and say to ourselves "HOWAU! I'm so great." It's really okay you know to be perasan sekali sekala. We all do it, feel good doing it, so... why not, right?

Why are you special? :)

BYE!!

ps: I love you.

I'm On Your Back

If you'd accept surrender,

I'll give up some more 

Weren't you adored

I cannot be without you, matter of fact

I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back

How do I say this.

Umm. Okay.

Now how do I put this.

I thought I could say it out here, turns out. I just can't seem to find the right words!

But too lazy to move my fingers from the keyboard to the trackpad/mouse. Therefore lazy to click the close button to just not post this meaningless post. So I should just make it something lah.

Mau karaokeeee. It's just such a good way to let it all out. Mannnn.

I tried being productive this week, but the most productive I got was, like for an accumulative time of an hour and a half for the whole week. I wanna say it's a good week because only today (Friday) will I be going to class. I basically had the whole week off. Yet I have a proposal due Sunday, and an essay on Theodor effing Adorno whose article I just can't seem to finish reading. Distractions! I seriously need to read it, but I find myself reading the same lines over and over again which really means, I'm not concentrating.

How do you concentrate when...

Hmmm.

Rindu si Izz.

Okay lah.

Bye!

I forgot how much I love this song!

 

Sugarcoating

Everybody hurts. Everyone feels pain once, twice, countless of times.

What makes it different is the way he or she handles the pain.

It's ridiculous sometimes how I get hurt over silly things. Tiny petty things. Once the feeling is over, I tell myself how stupid it was to feel that way.

Ignorance, not really bliss. Ignorance from a different point of view is anger, and sadness. Or disappointment. 

Holding on to a few things. Patience, faith, and love. And a whole lot of positivity.

Tears=me=tears. Normal. It's just my way of feeling better. It does help, even for a little while.

Probably not so okay now. But I'll come through. If there's a flood, I might get wet but I'll climb up high to get dry. That's what counts, right?
Jatuh, bangun lah kan bilang you.

Heart vs Mind.
Never ending battle.




72. Oh macam forever.

To heal

I close my eyes.

We're laying on the grass
Holding hands
Staring blankly at the sky
White clouds
Soft cool breeze
Gentle warmth of the sun


We're sitting on the beach
Holding hands
Staring blankly at the endless sea
Blue waters
Sounds of waves crashing
Grainy pale sand


My eyes are still closed.


I think I have too-much free time on my hands. And it's probably affecting me. I really do have things to do. But you know lah kan.

It's a serious roller coaster ride. Whether I puke, or say "Let's do that again," or both together, I'll never know until the ride is over.

For now... Let's just enjoy it. Make it worth the screams thrills tears and laughters.

Here's a saya-sedih-hati-tidak-tenang-tapi-mau-happy-and-senang-hati song.
We'll heal.




77.
Love,
Nazie

Pouring my heart out

It is a battle between the heart and the brain.

Collaboration between your heart and your brain doesn't always produce a great melody.

You know how people wanna be happy for other people? I was just wondering, at what stage and at what level of maturity must you have to reach that point.

Well sure. I've had my own share of shit. Now I can sincerely say I am happy for that person whom I used to wish I could pijak-pijak. It was easier to let go then.

But now I am left to wonder... How do you be happy for someone else?

How do people let go, for another person's happiness? How can you be 100% genuinely happy for another person, without feeling a little negativity in yourself? How do people have positivity, without anything contradicting your thoughts and emotions? Thing is. True happiness cannot be bought. Cannot be exchanged for, cannot be bargained.



Level of difficulty: Very High.

Not impossible though.

Honestly, I wish my heart and my mind can come to an agreement. And stick with it. Cause one says another, the other says another thing. I know I have it in me. I know I can do it if I really wanted to. It's mind over matter. The heart makes you feel things. Things that sometimes... don't make sense. This...predicament. Sucks.

You wanna tell yourself it's okay, it'll happen if it was meant to happen.

Truth be told. I have an outer shell cracking. I'm in the midst of gluing things back together. Because there are so many other better times than this. Biasa lah tu. Sometimes we're up high. Other times we're down low. Only when you've been at the ultimate low will you know, how sturdy the ladder you built to get you back to the top.

Faith. That is all you need.

With time probably wounds heal. There might be a scar, but nobody said life's smooth sailing all the time.



"listen, I just want you to be happy. I really do"

It takes some guts to actually mean that.
OH. I go pasang lagu emo dulu. Bye.

Really listen.

Redscale

Happy to receive my scans today.
Rindunya.

80!