Friday, November 25, 2011

How do I say this.

Umm. Okay.

Now how do I put this.

I thought I could say it out here, turns out. I just can't seem to find the right words!

But too lazy to move my fingers from the keyboard to the trackpad/mouse. Therefore lazy to click the close button to just not post this meaningless post. So I should just make it something lah.

Mau karaokeeee. It's just such a good way to let it all out. Mannnn.

I tried being productive this week, but the most productive I got was, like for an accumulative time of an hour and a half for the whole week. I wanna say it's a good week because only today (Friday) will I be going to class. I basically had the whole week off. Yet I have a proposal due Sunday, and an essay on Theodor effing Adorno whose article I just can't seem to finish reading. Distractions! I seriously need to read it, but I find myself reading the same lines over and over again which really means, I'm not concentrating.

How do you concentrate when...


Rindu si Izz.

Okay lah.


I forgot how much I love this song!


Monday, November 21, 2011


Everybody hurts. Everyone feels pain once, twice, countless of times.

What makes it different is the way he or she handles the pain.

It's ridiculous sometimes how I get hurt over silly things. Tiny petty things. Once the feeling is over, I tell myself how stupid it was to feel that way.

Ignorance, not really bliss. Ignorance from a different point of view is anger, and sadness. Or disappointment. 

Holding on to a few things. Patience, faith, and love. And a whole lot of positivity.

Tears=me=tears. Normal. It's just my way of feeling better. It does help, even for a little while.

Probably not so okay now. But I'll come through. If there's a flood, I might get wet but I'll climb up high to get dry. That's what counts, right?
Jatuh, bangun lah kan bilang you.

Heart vs Mind.
Never ending battle.

72. Oh macam forever.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

To heal

I close my eyes.

We're laying on the grass
Holding hands
Staring blankly at the sky
White clouds
Soft cool breeze
Gentle warmth of the sun

We're sitting on the beach
Holding hands
Staring blankly at the endless sea
Blue waters
Sounds of waves crashing
Grainy pale sand

My eyes are still closed.

I think I have too-much free time on my hands. And it's probably affecting me. I really do have things to do. But you know lah kan.

It's a serious roller coaster ride. Whether I puke, or say "Let's do that again," or both together, I'll never know until the ride is over.

For now... Let's just enjoy it. Make it worth the screams thrills tears and laughters.

Here's a saya-sedih-hati-tidak-tenang-tapi-mau-happy-and-senang-hati song.
We'll heal.


Sunday, November 13, 2011

Pouring my heart out

It is a battle between the heart and the brain.

Collaboration between your heart and your brain doesn't always produce a great melody.

You know how people wanna be happy for other people? I was just wondering, at what stage and at what level of maturity must you have to reach that point.

Well sure. I've had my own share of shit. Now I can sincerely say I am happy for that person whom I used to wish I could pijak-pijak. It was easier to let go then.

But now I am left to wonder... How do you be happy for someone else?

How do people let go, for another person's happiness? How can you be 100% genuinely happy for another person, without feeling a little negativity in yourself? How do people have positivity, without anything contradicting your thoughts and emotions? Thing is. True happiness cannot be bought. Cannot be exchanged for, cannot be bargained.

Level of difficulty: Very High.

Not impossible though.

Honestly, I wish my heart and my mind can come to an agreement. And stick with it. Cause one says another, the other says another thing. I know I have it in me. I know I can do it if I really wanted to. It's mind over matter. The heart makes you feel things. Things that sometimes... don't make sense. This...predicament. Sucks.

You wanna tell yourself it's okay, it'll happen if it was meant to happen.

Truth be told. I have an outer shell cracking. I'm in the midst of gluing things back together. Because there are so many other better times than this. Biasa lah tu. Sometimes we're up high. Other times we're down low. Only when you've been at the ultimate low will you know, how sturdy the ladder you built to get you back to the top.

Faith. That is all you need.

With time probably wounds heal. There might be a scar, but nobody said life's smooth sailing all the time.

"listen, I just want you to be happy. I really do"

It takes some guts to actually mean that.
OH. I go pasang lagu emo dulu. Bye.

Really listen.


Happy to receive my scans today.


Monday, November 7, 2011

Halt! Who goes there?

image credits to


All blogging processes will resume after erm. I buy a camera charger! Yes, I lost mine. I've been camera-less all this while here (two months in 3 weeks, so fast!) and have been relying on my phone camera. I would like to share what my Uni looks like :) Mana la tau kan ada yang care. *minta attention*

Anyhoo... Things haven't exactly been smooth for the pass one month plus I've been here. But I strongly believe that things will get better!

Really wanting to meet the rest of my girls who are here! Let's see, we've got people in Aberystwyth (Cammie I donno how to spell your welsh uni), Liverpool, Manchester, Birmingham, Bristol, Southampton, Middlesex, POLAND. (Tiba-tiba satu di sana).

Pelan-pelan bah. All out of UK travelling will start TAHUN DEPAN. Wohoho. I'll settle with going around here for the timebeing! Banyak lagi I belum go. I haven't done the touristy things yet. No Big Ben, or London Eye, or Madam Tussaud's, or the red double decker bus, or the red telephone booth. The most UK-ish thing I've done is probably... Eat scones with jam and clotted cream. Heh.

I miss eating sesuka hati. Aih -__-

Here's a pick-yourself-up-after-a-bad-day-sad-sounding-positivity-song song for you peopleee :D See you soon and Happy November!

ps: I miss you.