Friday, January 18, 2013

"That time of the month"

I don't understand. Apa bezanya you and me? Every month dua-dua sama saja perangai. But yet why do I feel like I'm the ungrateful bitch?

Bukan selalu ba saya begitu. No patience sudah?

Why is it okay for you to do it but not me? Why can't I question it? Why why why?

Sunday, January 13, 2013


How do I put to words what I feel. What my thoughts are.

I want to do one thing but I'm not sure if I can handle what comes with (or without) it.

I've head so much in my mind lately, I just don't know how to say it. It's all jumbled up and mixed up and un-teratur.

Maybe I know what I want. But I'm just in denial. And I'm just too afraid.

How do I be brave? How do I separate my heart from my mind?

The more I grow older the more I think I need a change.

I must not be lazy. I must not be a pushover. I must smile and laugh more. I must learn not to use my emotions too much.

So many things to learn to do.
But what guarantee do I have that I'll actually do it?

Nope. None. I have no guarantee. No agreement for me to sign except a promise to myself - a promise which can be broken at any time. I have no guarantee.

Sometimes I think there's really no way to do things unless you really truly and absolutely want to.

I really want to. But I'm not willing. Yet.