Having a head-aching time trying to extract numbers out of the manifesto.
Halp!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Gearing up
Who knew.
Having a head-aching time trying to extract numbers out of the manifesto.
Halp!
Having a head-aching time trying to extract numbers out of the manifesto.
Halp!
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Disappointment
It's not something that I'd ever expected to happen.
Nobody wishes for it to happen.
Nobody wants it to happen.
But the disappointment isn't from the "happening".
It came from the failure of being able to see how much it worries me and how much I'm scared.
Has it been that bad all this while, until this has come to be what it had become? How could those words and phrases be uttered?
And the question is, am I that bad?
Saya disappointed.
Tapi saya sabar. If one day it comes to realisation, i would expect a sincere, true, and heartfelt apology. But for now, I, apologise for my flaws.
And you are forgiven.
Nobody wishes for it to happen.
Nobody wants it to happen.
But the disappointment isn't from the "happening".
It came from the failure of being able to see how much it worries me and how much I'm scared.
Has it been that bad all this while, until this has come to be what it had become? How could those words and phrases be uttered?
And the question is, am I that bad?
Saya disappointed.
Tapi saya sabar. If one day it comes to realisation, i would expect a sincere, true, and heartfelt apology. But for now, I, apologise for my flaws.
And you are forgiven.
Friday, January 18, 2013
"That time of the month"
I don't understand. Apa bezanya you and me? Every month dua-dua sama saja perangai. But yet why do I feel like I'm the ungrateful bitch?
Bukan selalu ba saya begitu. No patience sudah?
Why is it okay for you to do it but not me? Why can't I question it? Why why why?
Bukan selalu ba saya begitu. No patience sudah?
Why is it okay for you to do it but not me? Why can't I question it? Why why why?
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Pemikiranku
How do I put to words what I feel. What my thoughts are.
I want to do one thing but I'm not sure if I can handle what comes with (or without) it.
I've head so much in my mind lately, I just don't know how to say it. It's all jumbled up and mixed up and un-teratur.
Maybe I know what I want. But I'm just in denial. And I'm just too afraid.
How do I be brave? How do I separate my heart from my mind?
The more I grow older the more I think I need a change.
I must not be lazy. I must not be a pushover. I must smile and laugh more. I must learn not to use my emotions too much.
So many things to learn to do.
But what guarantee do I have that I'll actually do it?
Nope. None. I have no guarantee. No agreement for me to sign except a promise to myself - a promise which can be broken at any time. I have no guarantee.
Sometimes I think there's really no way to do things unless you really truly and absolutely want to.
I really want to. But I'm not willing. Yet.
I want to do one thing but I'm not sure if I can handle what comes with (or without) it.
I've head so much in my mind lately, I just don't know how to say it. It's all jumbled up and mixed up and un-teratur.
Maybe I know what I want. But I'm just in denial. And I'm just too afraid.
How do I be brave? How do I separate my heart from my mind?
The more I grow older the more I think I need a change.
I must not be lazy. I must not be a pushover. I must smile and laugh more. I must learn not to use my emotions too much.
So many things to learn to do.
But what guarantee do I have that I'll actually do it?
Nope. None. I have no guarantee. No agreement for me to sign except a promise to myself - a promise which can be broken at any time. I have no guarantee.
Sometimes I think there's really no way to do things unless you really truly and absolutely want to.
I really want to. But I'm not willing. Yet.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Happy New Year
2012 hasn't been a year for blogging. My 30-day blog project was on again, off again too many times.
For 2012, I'd like to thank my parents for letting me complete my final year in UK. That was one heck of a ride, which I miss and keep in my heart dearly. My Mum, for the trip to Paris and Disneyland. I became a child again. (i wanted to cry when I watched the parade). My Papa, who worked hard to find the money to send me to school and bought me my precious iPhone which I dearly love.
My dearest darling Ally. For coming all the way to visit me in February. For cooking up sambal ayam bawang bergantang tapi sedap. For coming to see the Eiffel Tower and Mona Lisa with me. And walking the streets of Venice with me. You endured air sickness, 13-hour flights, crazy ass delays but you came, still. You are the push that put me to where I am today, and though I am hard to handle I can't thank you enough for never giving up on me.
My KK-KL-UK friend Cammie, who has seen the craziest side of me. Thank you for the times we spent in Hatfield, London, and Aberystwyth. And also Birmingham and for Alton Towers with KiKi. And our gossip sessions over Milo Ais in Malaysia Hall canteen. Singing karaoke on youtube, running to catch the train and cooking pasta and tom yam soup. Thank you for the kiub pati and also sambal belacan. And also Maroon5 for the second year running.
For Ain, who came and visited me in Hatfield, twice. I thank you for sacrificing time, money and energy.
I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings or made you cry unintentionally through out our friendship (close to 20 years and counting!). You will always be my one and only childhood friend!
For Pika, who I can share all my thoughts and worries with. 2012 was a memorable year, for the both of us! And I'm glad I had you whenever I needed. You were always there, and please know that I will always be there for you too. Anytime Pika!
Nur Thara Atikah, my darling sister from another mother. I'm going to miss you when you get married! You're gonna belong to a man in less than a year. Thank you for spending time with us whenever you could, and although I missed your engagement, God willing, I'll be there for your nikah and sanding. I mean. I have gotten kain for baju! Hehe.
My new found NST colleagues, whom I've come to know closer with each working day. Work will be so dull without the crazy little things you people do. And what would you guys do without my drawer stock-filled with food.
Here's to 2013.
More food adventures, imaginary travels, actual traveling, exciting assignments, better money management, career advancements, long-lasting love, tummy aching laughters, and picture perfect memories.
Insya-Allah, amin.
For 2012, I'd like to thank my parents for letting me complete my final year in UK. That was one heck of a ride, which I miss and keep in my heart dearly. My Mum, for the trip to Paris and Disneyland. I became a child again. (i wanted to cry when I watched the parade). My Papa, who worked hard to find the money to send me to school and bought me my precious iPhone which I dearly love.
My dearest darling Ally. For coming all the way to visit me in February. For cooking up sambal ayam bawang bergantang tapi sedap. For coming to see the Eiffel Tower and Mona Lisa with me. And walking the streets of Venice with me. You endured air sickness, 13-hour flights, crazy ass delays but you came, still. You are the push that put me to where I am today, and though I am hard to handle I can't thank you enough for never giving up on me.
My KK-KL-UK friend Cammie, who has seen the craziest side of me. Thank you for the times we spent in Hatfield, London, and Aberystwyth. And also Birmingham and for Alton Towers with KiKi. And our gossip sessions over Milo Ais in Malaysia Hall canteen. Singing karaoke on youtube, running to catch the train and cooking pasta and tom yam soup. Thank you for the kiub pati and also sambal belacan. And also Maroon5 for the second year running.
For Ain, who came and visited me in Hatfield, twice. I thank you for sacrificing time, money and energy.
I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings or made you cry unintentionally through out our friendship (close to 20 years and counting!). You will always be my one and only childhood friend!
For Pika, who I can share all my thoughts and worries with. 2012 was a memorable year, for the both of us! And I'm glad I had you whenever I needed. You were always there, and please know that I will always be there for you too. Anytime Pika!
Nur Thara Atikah, my darling sister from another mother. I'm going to miss you when you get married! You're gonna belong to a man in less than a year. Thank you for spending time with us whenever you could, and although I missed your engagement, God willing, I'll be there for your nikah and sanding. I mean. I have gotten kain for baju! Hehe.
My new found NST colleagues, whom I've come to know closer with each working day. Work will be so dull without the crazy little things you people do. And what would you guys do without my drawer stock-filled with food.
Here's to 2013.
More food adventures, imaginary travels, actual traveling, exciting assignments, better money management, career advancements, long-lasting love, tummy aching laughters, and picture perfect memories.
Insya-Allah, amin.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Ladder
Whether I'm climbing up, or climbing down. Walking over or walking under it. I will end up exhausted either way.
Today I am realising that I have not have that one achievement that I am totally proud of. That I can say "Yes, I've done that successfully".
I need to apply for this one job, and the requirement was to write about one achievement that I'm most proud of.
Up till today, that is the question left unanswered.
I know I've done things that I never thought could happen, but I'm not necessarily most proud of it.
What am I proud of?
I really don't know.
Maybe, I'm not a proud person (cheh kunun). Maybe I don't like showing off. Maybe, I'm too afraid of how people will judge me.
I am smart, but there are smarter people. I can write, but there are better writers. I can speak, but there are better speakers.
Humility check? Self-esteem check?
Losing support, inability to decline, self-pressuring and heartbreaking.
....
My heart needs a break. I am no good to myself when I am no good to you.
I need healing, but that healing won't come.
That one thing that needs to appear doesn't appear.
I may be asking too much, may be asking something that you won't want to give.
Because who am I to ask for it? When I myself don't give.
Don't like that I'm so hard on myself over things like this.
You don't know how much I am flawed. I am much better at hiding them than you think you can.
I need a break from myself.
Today I am realising that I have not have that one achievement that I am totally proud of. That I can say "Yes, I've done that successfully".
I need to apply for this one job, and the requirement was to write about one achievement that I'm most proud of.
Up till today, that is the question left unanswered.
I know I've done things that I never thought could happen, but I'm not necessarily most proud of it.
What am I proud of?
I really don't know.
Maybe, I'm not a proud person (cheh kunun). Maybe I don't like showing off. Maybe, I'm too afraid of how people will judge me.
I am smart, but there are smarter people. I can write, but there are better writers. I can speak, but there are better speakers.
Humility check? Self-esteem check?
Losing support, inability to decline, self-pressuring and heartbreaking.
....
My heart needs a break. I am no good to myself when I am no good to you.
I need healing, but that healing won't come.
That one thing that needs to appear doesn't appear.
I may be asking too much, may be asking something that you won't want to give.
Because who am I to ask for it? When I myself don't give.
Don't like that I'm so hard on myself over things like this.
You don't know how much I am flawed. I am much better at hiding them than you think you can.
I need a break from myself.
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