Cubaan untuk Tidur

I'm 24 now.
Kalau gatal tangan sendiri cari sakit.
Mau tidur tapi tia tau macam mana dan bagaimana but cannot tidur for now.
Oh rushing thoughts. They're coming back.
I haven't been drinking enough plain water.
Just too lazy to keep on peeing.
I feel like it's a dead end.
I wish there was something to look forward to.
I want to do things. Keep fit. Keep active.
Maybe a lifestyle change.
I wanna have fun.
I wanna go play kites and go on trips and go to playgrounds.
I wanna play rollerblades and cycle in the park and take silly pictures.
I wanna sing all my ill feelings away and do it for hours.
I wanna berendam in the pool and swim swim swim.
Islands. Blue sea. White sand. Pristine beach.
Sunshine.
Sun tan. Lotion. Burnt.
Peeling.
Orange peel.
Apples.
Doctors.
Fear. Medication.
Death.
Loss.
Mourn. Sadness. Tears.
I am tears. Teary. Never ending.
La la la. Sing the song.
Piano ukelele violin guitar.
Trenggg.
Vietnam Cambodia Thailand.
Krabi. Phi Phi. Koh Samui.
Island. Beach. Back to where we were.
Before.
Again. Repeat.
Solace.
Slumber, sleep.
Payphone. Hash and star. Two together no use.
Type. Press. Copy cat.
Meow.
Kittens, forever small are the cutest.
Non existant. Like money growing on trees.
Endless supply of ridiculous craziness and nothingness.
Where do I go? Two? Three years from now?
Run from the comfort of stability.
Adventure up Broga, mountains, hikes and yikes!
Wall climbing, maybe? Don't call me. Please.
Make up, fake up foundation or powder.
Red lips pink lips your image is power.
I keep seeing your face and your mind
I wish it was easy to erase. All the feelings i have. But even erasing takes time takes patience takes energy.
I can't.
Oh.
Wait.
Fly free. Like a bird. Fly high up in the sky.
Suddenly find chained to the ground. Immobile. Frozen. Down.
Wah poet sungguh rhyme rhyme.
Look at the time.
I did it again. Oops. Like Britney said.
Okay.

Good night.



(This is a self experiment. To see what thoughts I have before I go to bed)